The Mom in my Life

  There is a line between what is play and acting and what is healing, therapeutic and emotional.                                                            And, those lines can blur.

I was rejected, neglected and victimized as a child.  I have been going through an extremely hard time recently.  The little me is fragile and fearful and healing.  She spent tonight in the arms of the one she now recognizes as *Mom*  The gift of simply laying with her arm over me, brought the little me to tears.  (It has my eyes watering now.)  To know from a maternal figure, that I am completely safe, wanted, accepted - breaks the ice around my heart.  It lets me know that I can keep holding on.  It lets me know that I am not alone. It brings healing where healing is so needed.  She, the one who is Mom, will read this and likely have tears in her eyes as well.  The little me is her little girl too.  A relationship like this is not something that one person can distance themself from. When it is in the realm of healing there is a bonding of two hearts.  It IS emotional.  The little heart in me breaks open to receive from her and to give to her.  Mom's heart breaks from the horrors visited on a little girl.  She ends up seeing the manifestation of the impact of severe abuse and seeing the impact of care and love poured into it's place.  Together we play.  She is Mom and I am 7.  She gets to see first hand what love and discipline can do when poured into a broken heart.  She is a warm, caring woman who has been willing to step into my life when it is needed most, and make a difference.
 See, I have all of this with my Daddie.  Daddie Mickey blankets me in so much love.  She holds me when I am falling apart.  She holds me when I have let go and feel like I can't even make it through one more minute.  She knows the difference between her lover, her girl, and her little.  She understands when I don't have anything left to give.  I don't know how she does it, but she can direct me right into that littler mindset and take that little me into her lap when it is needed most.  Daddie also saw the need in the little me to spend time with and have a relationship with a *Mom*.  How blessed am I that even Daddie went looking for the *right* woman?  My Daddie is the most wonderful beautiful person I have ever known in my life.  I have never known anyone with so much capacity for love.  Daddie Mickey is female.  She also is Daddy, through and through.
It was much easier for the little me to open up to and accept a daddy figure and then embrace her totally as parent.  With the mom in my life it is different.  I have not known anything but rejection and cruelty with any type of maternal figure or authority figure.  I am responding with shyness and am tentative.  I am testing where the boundaries are and more importantly, being shown where they are.  Being shown that I can trust.  How does one say thank you for a gift like this?