Submission

Maybe I am not a very good submissive or bottom.  It seems that when push comes to shove, I am going to do my own thing anyway.  I don't mean for it to be that way.  I have found myself just stopping doing things I am suppose to do.  I convince myself that it just doesn't matter.  I will tell myself that it is just a little thing anyway.  Who's going to know?
Well, *I know*.  That knowing, just doesn't feel very good.
I am not a doctor.  I do know which meds I can spread out without harming myself.  I can miss one dose of the weekly meds without serious harm.  That is not the point though, is it?  It is about how they are prescribed and how I have been told to take them.  All of them are helping my physical body to be it's best.
I am not a big fan of food.  I eat because I have to, not because I want to.  If I am dealing with something emotional, that part of me totally shuts off anyway.  I won't feel hunger.  Right now I eat because food is put in front of me.  I take a few bites anyway.  Then, later I eat because the clock tells me it is time and that I have to.
No, I am not a good submissive.  Not right now.  I am stumbling all over the place in trying to take care of myself in the right ways.