Fatigue

All of us know what being tired feels like.  One of the physical things that I struggle with is having fibromyalgia.  I also have a couple of friends who share this diagnosis with me, as well as chronic fatigue syndrome. In the beginning of my journey with illness and physical disorders, I did not understand what was happening to me.  I could not figure out where all the pain and pure exhaustion was coming from.  Neither could the doctors back then.  Come to find out, I have 6 auto-immune disorders.  Each come with their own version of my body attacking itself or trying to fix what is not broken within me.
The thing about Fibro, and these other *disorders* is that mostly they are invisible to others.  There are no cures.  The symptoms can be unrelenting and unpredictable.  Before the diagnosis of fibro, I was experiencing bone tiring exhaustion.  A fatigue that drained every ounce of strength.  Unless you have known it, I don't think any words can do it justice.  It is a tiredness that even sleep doesn't make go away. Add to that, insomnia and pain (which are also draining) and you have a person that just the thought of having to get up to go use the bathroom can be overwhelming because all strength is gone.  A person on the outside looking in, far too often sees us as lazy, unsociable, self centered, etc.  Far too many don't understand that it is not that we don't want to, it is that we can't!
When we look healthy to family and friends, it is often a double whammy.   They don't understand unless they too have educated themselves, or have experienced it.  When we try to take care of ourselves and preserve energy we often are faced with guilt because we carefully have to choose and plan what we will and won't do.  Again, not because we don't want to do it all, but because we seriously cannot.
Those with fatigue that is chronic, still do try and do it all themselves.  We even tell ourselves that we *should* be able to do it all.  We *should* be able to help ourselves.  For me it is so hard to reach out for help or even to accept help.  I live with someone who does understand that I have the *want-to*, I just don't have the energy.  I still struggle with saying that I need help getting dressed or that I would like to wear a certain blouse but it is in the laundry.  I don't have the energy or the strength to go do a load of laundry myself and although I know she wouldn't mind, I still rarely ask.  That is the nature of fatigue in the life of a strong willed person.  Saying yes, to help, is never easy.  For me it feels like a defeat a lot of the time.  It can be humbling to say the least.
The medical field has not caught up with helping us deal with these symptoms and syndromes.  Hopefully our family and friends will step up and at least take the time to try and understand and maybe just maybe, offer a helping hand.