After

I have wondered where to begin.  The session from a couple days ago is still very much affecting me.  Physically I am still sore and I am very bruised.  When called for, Miss Jenn can have a very heavy hand.  With me, it was called for.  It was needed and it was received.  She has been given the freedom to take things as far as she thinks is necessary.  I have total trust in her as does Mickey.  With the two of them, I do not have a safe word.  This certainly is not for everyone and I wouldn't recommend it either.  I do know that if I called *red* they would stop and check in with me.  They would listen to what I had to say and they would decide then, if things continued or not.  Discipline is not up to me.  I didn't sign up for this, to be in charge.  They expect me to talk to them.  They expect me to tell them if something is wrong.  I am expected to communicate.  And, I do.
I have been searching for a word or words to describe what I am feeling.  Pliable is not a feeling but it is the word that I keep coming back to.  Soft, mold-able, teachable, compliant....  I want to behave.  I want to do the things that I am suppose to.  The *want-to* is there.  I also want to please.  I want to obey.  I want to be the best that I can be.
The guilt is gone.  It just isn't there anymore.  There has been a releasing.  The magnitude of what I was feeling has dropped away from me.  Somehow, I feel cleansed, new.