Life is hard. Time is a crazy thing that is usually too fast or too slow. Rarely is there enough money. Too often things don't go as planned. Often our best still doesn't seem good enough. Damn, what is there left that is positive in our world?
For me, all of these statements are pretty true. What is there that is still worth getting up for? This is the reality that so many of us face. It isn't a pessimist attitude, it is reality. So how do you stay sane in the insanity? How do you put on a smile and face another day?
At this moment for me personally, it is so much about practicing thankfulness. In that I also hold onto hope. I do not like some aspects of my life at this moment. There are quite a few things that I wish were different. At the moment, they are unchangeable things. I am not willing to put my energy into the negative emotions that attach themselves to those things.
It is not easy. It is difficult to force my brain and emotions away from the negative side. Sometimes I have torn my world down to the simple fact that I am thankful that I have air to breathe. Instead of being upset that I have to go to that very basic need to be thankful for, I build on that small thing.
Redirecting my thoughts isn't easy and it does not happen over night. For me, it is worth the effort.
Showing posts with label Thankfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thankfulness. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Thankful For Spanking
In my life I have a partner who is also my Dominant/Daddie and Top. I have a Disciplinarian also, who sometimes interacts with me from the point of view of a parent. Two women in my life who care very much about me. Both of them enjoy spanking me. I enjoy being spanked.
I am given the freedom to age-play pretty much whenever I want to. Both of them slip into the parental role very easily. They keep me safe. They allow me to exist in whatever head space I am in.
In this time of huge stress and so many things going wrong in my life, I have been practicing being thankful. I know that some people really would love to find a spanking partner and I have been blessed with 2! I live within a set of rules and have come to enjoy it. With the two of them, I know what to expect and that is reassuring to me.
I am blessed in that I do not have to keep secrets. There is nothing that my partner does not know about me. Many spankos do not have even one person they can be themselves with. I am totally *out* when it comes to my love of spanking. Those that know me, know about it. Far too many do not have this freedom.
I am so thankful that spanking works with me the way that it does. It draws me closer to my partner. Spanking centers me again. Spanking can be a huge stress reliever. For me it is also a form of affection. That would sound very strange to a non-spanko. It sure doesn't have anything to do with hitting. It has everything to do with an intimate connection.
I am given the freedom to age-play pretty much whenever I want to. Both of them slip into the parental role very easily. They keep me safe. They allow me to exist in whatever head space I am in.
In this time of huge stress and so many things going wrong in my life, I have been practicing being thankful. I know that some people really would love to find a spanking partner and I have been blessed with 2! I live within a set of rules and have come to enjoy it. With the two of them, I know what to expect and that is reassuring to me.
I am blessed in that I do not have to keep secrets. There is nothing that my partner does not know about me. Many spankos do not have even one person they can be themselves with. I am totally *out* when it comes to my love of spanking. Those that know me, know about it. Far too many do not have this freedom.
I am so thankful that spanking works with me the way that it does. It draws me closer to my partner. Spanking centers me again. Spanking can be a huge stress reliever. For me it is also a form of affection. That would sound very strange to a non-spanko. It sure doesn't have anything to do with hitting. It has everything to do with an intimate connection.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
The Mom in my Life
There is a line between what is play and acting and what is healing, therapeutic and emotional. And, those lines can blur.
I was rejected, neglected and victimized as a child. I have been going through an extremely hard time recently. The little me is fragile and fearful and healing. She spent tonight in the arms of the one she now recognizes as *Mom* The gift of simply laying with her arm over me, brought the little me to tears. (It has my eyes watering now.) To know from a maternal figure, that I am completely safe, wanted, accepted - breaks the ice around my heart. It lets me know that I can keep holding on. It lets me know that I am not alone. It brings healing where healing is so needed. She, the one who is Mom, will read this and likely have tears in her eyes as well. The little me is her little girl too. A relationship like this is not something that one person can distance themself from. When it is in the realm of healing there is a bonding of two hearts. It IS emotional. The little heart in me breaks open to receive from her and to give to her. Mom's heart breaks from the horrors visited on a little girl. She ends up seeing the manifestation of the impact of severe abuse and seeing the impact of care and love poured into it's place. Together we play. She is Mom and I am 7. She gets to see first hand what love and discipline can do when poured into a broken heart. She is a warm, caring woman who has been willing to step into my life when it is needed most, and make a difference.
See, I have all of this with my Daddie. Daddie Mickey blankets me in so much love. She holds me when I am falling apart. She holds me when I have let go and feel like I can't even make it through one more minute. She knows the difference between her lover, her girl, and her little. She understands when I don't have anything left to give. I don't know how she does it, but she can direct me right into that littler mindset and take that little me into her lap when it is needed most. Daddie also saw the need in the little me to spend time with and have a relationship with a *Mom*. How blessed am I that even Daddie went looking for the *right* woman? My Daddie is the most wonderful beautiful person I have ever known in my life. I have never known anyone with so much capacity for love. Daddie Mickey is female. She also is Daddy, through and through.
It was much easier for the little me to open up to and accept a daddy figure and then embrace her totally as parent. With the mom in my life it is different. I have not known anything but rejection and cruelty with any type of maternal figure or authority figure. I am responding with shyness and am tentative. I am testing where the boundaries are and more importantly, being shown where they are. Being shown that I can trust. How does one say thank you for a gift like this?
I was rejected, neglected and victimized as a child. I have been going through an extremely hard time recently. The little me is fragile and fearful and healing. She spent tonight in the arms of the one she now recognizes as *Mom* The gift of simply laying with her arm over me, brought the little me to tears. (It has my eyes watering now.) To know from a maternal figure, that I am completely safe, wanted, accepted - breaks the ice around my heart. It lets me know that I can keep holding on. It lets me know that I am not alone. It brings healing where healing is so needed. She, the one who is Mom, will read this and likely have tears in her eyes as well. The little me is her little girl too. A relationship like this is not something that one person can distance themself from. When it is in the realm of healing there is a bonding of two hearts. It IS emotional. The little heart in me breaks open to receive from her and to give to her. Mom's heart breaks from the horrors visited on a little girl. She ends up seeing the manifestation of the impact of severe abuse and seeing the impact of care and love poured into it's place. Together we play. She is Mom and I am 7. She gets to see first hand what love and discipline can do when poured into a broken heart. She is a warm, caring woman who has been willing to step into my life when it is needed most, and make a difference.
See, I have all of this with my Daddie. Daddie Mickey blankets me in so much love. She holds me when I am falling apart. She holds me when I have let go and feel like I can't even make it through one more minute. She knows the difference between her lover, her girl, and her little. She understands when I don't have anything left to give. I don't know how she does it, but she can direct me right into that littler mindset and take that little me into her lap when it is needed most. Daddie also saw the need in the little me to spend time with and have a relationship with a *Mom*. How blessed am I that even Daddie went looking for the *right* woman? My Daddie is the most wonderful beautiful person I have ever known in my life. I have never known anyone with so much capacity for love. Daddie Mickey is female. She also is Daddy, through and through.
It was much easier for the little me to open up to and accept a daddy figure and then embrace her totally as parent. With the mom in my life it is different. I have not known anything but rejection and cruelty with any type of maternal figure or authority figure. I am responding with shyness and am tentative. I am testing where the boundaries are and more importantly, being shown where they are. Being shown that I can trust. How does one say thank you for a gift like this?
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Being Thankful
Have you ever stopped to think about the good things in your life? Sometimes we get so caught up in what's going wrong, that we overlook the things that are going right. There is so much to be thankful for. I heard a quote from somewhere that said..*what if we woke up tomorrow only having the things we were thankful for today?* Some of us would be in a world of hurt and NOT in a good way!
I am as guilty as everyone else. I don't consider myself a negative person at all. I do know that I can get stuck on the negative, completely missing the other side of things.
What is there to be thankful for in such a screwed up world? There is war, killing, poverty, prejudice, injustice, abuses...and more. I am not thankful for those things. I have said before that I desire to be part of the solution. What happens when those things come to roost in our own lives? How do we respond?
I am not about to be thankful for the disabled man who took one look at my partner, who asked him if he needed help and had the gall to say to her, that he didn't want help from a homosexual. He continued and basically told her to go to hell. Mickey, the woman of patience and wisdom that she is, replied to him.. "first, what ever possessed you to think I am a lesbian? My looks? I feel sorry for you that you refuse a helping hand from someone who is offering it, based on how they look. I hope you have a more pleasant day." And, she walked away. Can't say I would have been as polite. Mickey teaches me so much through word and action and for that I am very thankful. She gets the rude remarks and the dirty looks, way too often in my opinion. She has learned to handle them, most of the time, with a grace that makes me love her even more.
I am thankful for my partner in life. She is an amazing woman, strong, loving, gentle, caring, passionate, dominant, giving, generous, very much *out* as a lesbian and Top. She loves to spank me, as well as others. How can some one like me, not be thankful for that?
Sometimes we get caught up in needs that are not really needs. I *need* $20 so I can go to the movies with my friends. Okay, I will swap you that $20 for your next 20 hours of water to drink. Kind of a basic need. Water, air, shelter...
What about when it seems like everything in our life is going wrong? Don't have a job, didn't get the pay raise, or to really bring it straight to the heart - when we have come to the place where we feel worthless? I have been there. Wondering why I was even on this planet. The LAST thing I wanted was for any one to suggest to me to start thinking about what was *good* in my life. Dammit, in that place, I can't think of anything *good*! Not in that frame of mind. It takes hard work to bring yourself back from that dark mood place. I have seen too that it seems like a lot of others are ready to jump on the band wagon of negativity and depression. I am thankful for the people in my life that stand up to me, tell me the truth and present another opinion. Joining me in my pity party isn't going to help either one of us.
Some people will see the title of this entry and not even read it. There is something about thankfulness that turns people away. It is strange that when we need it most, we want little to do with it. Changing our thinking in those dark moments is not easy. I fight it. Sometimes it is like I would rather wade around in that yuck than listen to and practice a way out of it. There is no person reading this that can honestly say there is nothing to be thankful for. What are you thankful for?
I am as guilty as everyone else. I don't consider myself a negative person at all. I do know that I can get stuck on the negative, completely missing the other side of things.
What is there to be thankful for in such a screwed up world? There is war, killing, poverty, prejudice, injustice, abuses...and more. I am not thankful for those things. I have said before that I desire to be part of the solution. What happens when those things come to roost in our own lives? How do we respond?
I am not about to be thankful for the disabled man who took one look at my partner, who asked him if he needed help and had the gall to say to her, that he didn't want help from a homosexual. He continued and basically told her to go to hell. Mickey, the woman of patience and wisdom that she is, replied to him.. "first, what ever possessed you to think I am a lesbian? My looks? I feel sorry for you that you refuse a helping hand from someone who is offering it, based on how they look. I hope you have a more pleasant day." And, she walked away. Can't say I would have been as polite. Mickey teaches me so much through word and action and for that I am very thankful. She gets the rude remarks and the dirty looks, way too often in my opinion. She has learned to handle them, most of the time, with a grace that makes me love her even more.
I am thankful for my partner in life. She is an amazing woman, strong, loving, gentle, caring, passionate, dominant, giving, generous, very much *out* as a lesbian and Top. She loves to spank me, as well as others. How can some one like me, not be thankful for that?
Sometimes we get caught up in needs that are not really needs. I *need* $20 so I can go to the movies with my friends. Okay, I will swap you that $20 for your next 20 hours of water to drink. Kind of a basic need. Water, air, shelter...
What about when it seems like everything in our life is going wrong? Don't have a job, didn't get the pay raise, or to really bring it straight to the heart - when we have come to the place where we feel worthless? I have been there. Wondering why I was even on this planet. The LAST thing I wanted was for any one to suggest to me to start thinking about what was *good* in my life. Dammit, in that place, I can't think of anything *good*! Not in that frame of mind. It takes hard work to bring yourself back from that dark mood place. I have seen too that it seems like a lot of others are ready to jump on the band wagon of negativity and depression. I am thankful for the people in my life that stand up to me, tell me the truth and present another opinion. Joining me in my pity party isn't going to help either one of us.
Some people will see the title of this entry and not even read it. There is something about thankfulness that turns people away. It is strange that when we need it most, we want little to do with it. Changing our thinking in those dark moments is not easy. I fight it. Sometimes it is like I would rather wade around in that yuck than listen to and practice a way out of it. There is no person reading this that can honestly say there is nothing to be thankful for. What are you thankful for?
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