Where is the Anger?

So, I have been asked to write about my experiences.  Specifically to write of the violence of my father.  The purpose?  To bring out the anger in me.  To open up that place in me that I don't want anyone to see.  That place that even I don't want to look at.  I have been told that it is time.  I have been told that living with the buried anger is harming me.
My support system is in place.  Good people that care about me do know what I am dealing with and what I am going through.  I am confident that they will help in whatever way they can.
I saw my therapist today.  I told her about what I wrote yesterday in the blog titled *Violence*  She hadn't heard the memory of my father destroying the room around me before.  She asked me what I would do today if he was doing that to me.  I told her I would still stand there silently.  She asked me if I would say anything to him, would I ask him to stop, tell him to stop?  My answer was no.  She wondered why.  I told her because I know now like I knew then, that he wouldn't hurt me.  So, she asked what I would do if someone else was there and the broken pieces were hitting them as well as me.  I told her I would make him stop, I would attack him.  I tried to protect my mother from him when I could.  I stood over what I thought was my mother's dead body with a knife in my hand, refusing to allow my father to hurt her anymore.  My therapist wants to know why I will protect everyone except myself.  Good question.  I don't know the answer.  I don't recall ever really being afraid of him.  Even when he was drunk.  I had to have been afraid.  The violence was beyond words.  I don't think anyone, let a lone a child can watch it and not feel fear.  I don't know where the fear and anger went.  Anger comes out in me really only when someone I care about is threatened or harmed in some way.  During a time like that, I don't care what might happen to me.  I only care about protecting the other person.
I am not sure why I really haven't had any anger toward my father.  Everyone else sure has.  They have expressed it to me.  They are angry about the things that happened to me and the things he did.  I stopped making excuses for his actions.  I have no relationship with him any more.  I don't think I have ever blamed him.  Nor, even held him accountable in my own mind.
The anger is walled up somewhere.  Maybe I wasn't angry as I watched him beat my mother and sister.  I remember just wanting it to stop.  Can a person be afraid of a regular occurrence?  It was just my life.  My Dad was violent.  He loved me.  My therapist told me today that love doesn't destroy a room with a child standing in the middle of it.  I *know* that is true.
Where is the anger?  The only time I felt a twinge of anger was when my therapist called my father *evil* today.  She is pushing me.  She knows of my safety net and she is a part of it.   She knows what Mickey and Miss Jenn are doing with me and approves.  Heck, she was talking with Mickey and me in the outer office and I was messing around.  Nothing too serious, but I was told to do something and I refused.  I kept refusing until Mickey asked me if she needed to spank me.  She actually asked me a second time letting me know she was dead serious.  I stopped and did what I was told.  My therapist just watched and nodded her approval.  She sees the little girl me too and likes the fact that right now I am very much held accountable.  She has told me a few times that I am very fortunate to have them in my life.
What if the anger is there and comes to the surface?  Will I be able to keep myself together?  Will I be able to protect myself?  Where is it?  Why don't I feel anger toward him?