Lies and Deceit

Sometimes someone does something that makes us angry.  Sometimes, they do the same thing over and over again and our anger grows.  Each time it happens and we work through it, we hope it is the last time.  We hope that they will never do it again.  We hope for a new beginning.
This sure seems like the pattern you would see in an abusive relationship.  Where one person hits the other, apologies are made, bruises heal, hearts mend and the relationship holds together. Promises are made.  The *victim* hopes it is a new beginning and that it will never happen again. And, then it does and the cycle begins again.
There are some things that in my opinion should never be in a relationship.  Abuse is one of them.  No one deserves that.  Physical and emotional abuse are crimes.  I am sure that we all would agree with those statements.  What about secrecy and deceit?  Do those things belong in a relationship?  If secrecy and deceit become a pattern in a relationship, is that abuse?  I would guess that when those things are repeatedly in a relationship it is in no way a healthy relationship.  At least one person is always being harmed.
Being continually lied to breaks trust.  Lies destroy respect. When it becomes a pattern, it eats like a cancer at every part of the relationship.  Depending on what the lies actually are, they can also eat at and destroy many other things in the lives of the people.  Lies, deceit and secrecy, harms all involved.
All of my life I was lied to.  I was forced to live with the lies and the secrecy and it hurt me in so many ways.  Things were kept from me.  I joined in on the secrecy and kept the horrible secrets of what was really happening behind the scenes.  My life was a lie.  Dealing with the lies is hurting like hell at this moment.  I have every right to be angry.  Yet, I am not.  I am deeply hurting and the strikes of pain from deceit and lies are still landing on me.  I am not sure how to heal.