Looking to the skies we can often see the storm that is approaching. The clouds gather and darken. Often we can see the rain in the distance as well. The air itself will change and we can feel it. In other parts of the country it is necessary to watch for the signs of funnel clouds. Storms can be very damaging, causing loss of electricity, property and even life.
So, what happens when I feel a storm gathering in my soul? What do I do when the storm clouds are gathering and building one on top of another? When stress darkens everything? When within me everything is trembling as if a wind is blowing through and shaking me? How do I survive through the storm? Is it possible for the emotional storm to disban before erupting into torrents of rain and destructiveness? The answer?.... I don't know.
Frustration and disappointment are growing. Anger and stress over a couple of situations, are growing as well. Things are out of my control and I am not happy about it. I am helpless to do anything productive to help in any of the situations. I almost feel like I am bound and gagged and that I am beginning to fight like hell against the restraints! And, I know that fighting is useless. It won't change a damn thing! I can't change the mess. I can't fix the mess. I can't make anything better or easier for two people I care very much about. I feel useless right now.
I broke down and cried this evening. Burning tears of frustration. It didn't help anything. It left me feeling worse. Nothing was *cleansed* or *relieved*. Left with just the stabbing question, *Why am I here?*
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