When I originally wrote this I didn't have permission yet to use her name. Miss Jenn is the Disciplinarian I am referring to.
You can find her at: spankingseattle.blogspot.com
When I wrote my last post, I knew that the next day I was going to be meeting with a woman who was going to discipline me. I had stepped out of my comfort zone and asked for help. So, I wrote to the woman after having done my homework. There was no sort of picking a name out of a hat and saying *you* will do. It was important to me to be as sure as possible that she and I would be a good fit. My first email to her was polite and let me tell you, I listed my concerns right off the bat. I will also admit that as I was writing it, I was shaking like crazy even though I was seated alone in my own home. Clicking send, I didn't know if it would be seen any time soon. I didn't know if it would just be ignored. I just knew that I had to try.
I was responded to much quicker than I could have ever imagined. I was stunned that she actually addressed each one of my concerns with a candor I had in no way expected. She was very professional and at the same time answered each of my concerns in a very personal way. I had told her what I was looking for. Explaining that it would be role-play and I was very concerned that I might regress into the little girl that I was. Her response went right to the heart of the matter. She told me straight up that from the sounds of it, I probably would experience some regression. (that was not calming to me at the time, lol) And, went on to say that maybe that was exactly what I needed and that it might also prove to be very therapeutic for me.
I started filling out the application sent to me even though my heart was feeling pretty heavy at the prospect of the fees that I needed to come up with. Being the girl that I am, I didn't see that as something blocking me, just a stumbling block that I knew I would get over. Things worth having are worth fighting for. I have found that the sacrifices I make that are intended for good, 99.9% of the time have a very positive outcome. The sacrifices rarely have anything to do with me gaining something either. Almost always it has been for the good of someone else. So this too was a new step for me, a new path.
I took about 24 hours to very thoughtfully go through the application and fill it out. All of this was done with my partner's full knowledge. She was included in every step. I was and am lucky enough that she too wanted this for me. It was hard for her at first when I voiced the need for an interaction with a more feminine woman. My partner, Mickey went through feelings of not being good enough, feelings of frustrations that she couldn't meet this need in me, and more. We had for over 2 years very long and in depth conversations about this. (Mickey is extremely butch and has a huge heart. Knowing that she couldn't do this for me was something she struggled with. Oh, how she wanted to! In that talking she actually discovered something in herself as well. We had started out as Mistress and girl, we found out that what actually fit better in describing our D/s relationship with one another was Daddie Mickey and girl. Now, Daddie comes out of my mouth with all the love and respect that had come with Mistress. Her eyes light up still, every time I call her Daddie instead of Mickey. We still share a D/s relationship and have added more role-play which includes Daddie and her lil girl.) Not only did my partner come to accept that I had this need, she began looking for someone to fill it as well. There have been a handful of women who have done some age play with me. Just age-play, nothing too emotional. The connection just wasn't there for me to go forward. All of this was before I had any idea that something such as a Professional Disciplinarian even existed
I sent the application and stated the times I would pretty much always be available for a phone call. With my crazy schedule, getting a hold of me on the telephone doesn't usually mesh very well with others. The call would be to see how we each felt about the other. You know, what sort of *vibe* would there be? I didn't think anything more about it really. I had taken the steps and we would just see where it goes. I was proud of myself for going this far. Of course I hoped that she and I would connect, see that we were on the same page, and so on. When my phone rang the evening after I sent the application, it was the last thing on my mind when I answered the phone. It was her! This woman that I knew to be so very busy according to everything in her blog, found time in that schedule to call me and take me through another step in the process. I was so freakin' startled and surprised that my voice was even shaking. Getting past the nerves came pretty easy. She made it easy. She asked her questions and listened, really listened to me. There was a connection and I knew without a doubt, that not only had she accepted me as a client, she was the right one!
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