I Quit

How many times have I said that?  Or actually done it?  Just quit.  Stop.  Throw the towel in?  Given up on myself or the situation?
Sometimes I feel like I am standing at a cross-roads.  Standing, waiting, contemplating, weighing my options.  The longer I stand here, the more I want to just turn around and run back to what is known and familiar.  I am sure I am not the only one that has found them self in this sort of place.  How often do we want to run back to where, even though it might not be, it feels safer?  At least we know what to expect there.
Two very impact-full things have happened to me this month.  Both intense.  Both emotion filled.  Both have made changes in me.  Both made me cry.  That in itself is enough to scare the living hell out of me.  Crying, for me means I have lost control.  I have never seen that as a good thing for myself.  Both have opened my heart and I don't know what to do with all these new emotions.
I am afraid and I want to quit.
What if instead, I say, I surrender?  Since, I can't exactly say that I welcome what is ahead but I know that it is right for me.  Can I say, I surrender to it?  I surrender to following this hard road regardless of the fear?  Is that being brave?   For sure, fear has chipped away at my dedication.
But, surrendering sounds like giving up too...

These are the times that I have to speak peace to myself.  I have to encourage myself.  This is the sort of situation where the parent in me comes out and I try to do the right things.  Setting boundaries around myself.  Allowing myself only a certain amount of time to dwell on whatever *it* is.  Then going and doing something else completely.  Redirecting myself into something that is fun for me to do.  Doing something someone else has asked me to do.  Doing whatever it is that takes my mind away from the distressing one at hand.  This is also when I do have to grab those boot-straps and pull.  I know that deep within, I don't want to quit or run away.  I went as far today as asking two people to please not let me quit.  Setting up what I hope will be safe-guards in place if they ever become needed.
I know we all experience the fight or flight question when we face some things in our lives.  And it is much easier to encourage someone else than to encourage ourselves, a lot of the time!  I don't want to encourage myself at these points when I want to run away. I just want to quit.  I try to move away from what is troubling me, center myself, and come back to *it* later.