Mickey's Birthday Paddle

Yesterday was Mickey's birthday.  For three days she has been receiving Seattle Seahawk related presents.  She is a fan, big time!  She has a good size collection of Seahawk memorabilia .  It is a lot of fun to see her reaction to something new that is all about that foorball team or the *12's*
I also made her a wooden paddle.  I have not worked painting on wood in a very long time and did not trust my skills.  That just means that I kept it simple.  On one side in large letters it says : Daddie.  I borrowed a saying from one of Miss Jenn's paddles and wrote it on the handle of this new one.  It says, *Girls who tease go over knees.*  The backside of the paddle is where I wrote, *Daddie's little helper.  Very simple.  I didn't have the right stuff to make a drawing and transfer it on there to paint it, so I just did all the lettering free hand.  It is difficult for me because I never know when my hands are going to start to shake.  The spanking part of the paddle is sort of star shaped and probably 6x6 and then the handle is a nice size.  She loved it and was surprised that I actually made it.  Making it and keeping it a surprise is always a challenge.  I have to work when she is asleep and hope that I have all the materials I need.
She has wanted me to get back into painting for quite some time.  She has a dream of me painting a mural on one of the walls in our home.  At this point, I don't think I am physically capable of this on my own.  I think she understands that also.  Instead, she is making sure that I have plenty of coloring supplies, crayons, markers, colored pencils and so many adult coloring books.  It is a hobby that I enjoy a lot.
Coloring now is also a tool I am using to deal with stress and pain.  Whether I am coloring something for a specific artist/illustrator or just for my own enjoyment, I find that I focus in and the pressures of the moment start fading to the background.  Whoever thought that what has been seen so long as a childhood past-time could become a tool to deal with chronic pain?  There are literally now 100s of coloring books and coloring book artists out there.  I have been introduced to so many of them and their work.  Most of them are so generous with their time and teaching me some new techniques also.

Stressful times and Good Friends

I went and saw the movie The secret lives of pets, today.  Parts of it had me laughing like crazy.  Spending time with a couple of friends while there just added to the fun.  I saw the personalities of some of my pets both past and present in this movie.  It brought up some great memories.
Doing something like this just makes all the stress slide to the back.  I was able to relax, laugh and totally forget about any and all of the stresses in my life.  It is so important to find things like this that you can do to counter those stressful times.  For me it is a breath of fresh air that is so needed and welcomed.
Yesterday, I also had the same sort of experience.  I was able to spend time with Miss Jenn.  We did some spanking, made a few videos, got caught up on what has been going on in our lives and laughed and laughed.  It is awesome to have someone in your life that you can totally be yourself with.  I am blessed to have many friends like that.  Time spent with them is very precious.
Miss Jenn is also my disciplinarian and Momma Jenn in ageplay.  When she points and says, *take your jeans off*, there is no hesitation.  We are good friends and have a many faceted relationship.  There is never a dull moment for sure.  It is easy for me to go from being her submissive to being her friend.  There is an easy flow between us that we each nurture.
Mickey is my Dominant and my life partner.  With her, I can be myself, the good, bad and the ugly.  She accepts where I am, encourages me, and loves me through it all.  I do the same for her.  She is my best friend!  This relationship didn't just appear, we have worked hard at it over the years and it has been worth every giggle and tear.
Friendship doesn't just happen.  Like so many things, it must be worked at, fed and nurtured.  Having a close friend or two is worth the time and effort.  The blessings and joy it brings is something that money could never buy.  Being able to turn to a friend during stressful times is a great gift.  I encourage you to nurture your friendships.  I don't think you will be disappointed.

Getting Away

Spent a few days in Seattle.  It was time to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet.  It was a time of recharging and destressing.  Mickey and I needed it so much.  Last night we walked around the Seattle Center and the space needle at sunset.  Talk about gorgeous.  There wasn't many people out.  It was dry and on the cool side.
I do like how sometimes just getting out of your day to day environment can help give a new perspective on things.  I came home ready to face the chaos that is our life right now.  At the moment I can see an end in sight.  Soon, hopefully, we will have our home back the way that we like it.

Anticipation...

I was told to be sure to get Mickey up early in the morning.  Why, you ask?  She was going to spank me.  She and I are on different sleep schedules.  I am normally up all night.  It is not something we chose, it has just worked out that way because of my body.
Before she went to bed, we had about an hour of intimate time together.  It was wonderful.  As she was kissing me good night she looked at me and said... be sure to wake me up early in the morning.  That tone made it clear what she wanted.  She was going to start her day by giving me a good spanking.  She went to sleep with happy thoughts.  Me?  I had all night long to think about what was going to happen in the morning.
It is times like this that always make me look at myself and think back over the past few days.  Have I done anything wrong?  Did I cross a line somewhere?  The answer is usually no, I am quite the angel after all :p  Still, I do it any way.  No, this was for pleasure, hers, maybe not mine so much, lol.
No matter what I do, my mind still wanders to the morning and the spanking that is coming.  Sometimes, I think this is a secret weapon of Tops.  Building anticipation.  They are pretty good at it for sure.
The anticipation builds and builds.  It is like an entity in it's own right.  I can feel it in my whole body.  The tingling in my backside.  The butterflies in my stomach.  My whirling thoughts.  Will she use only her hand?  Will there be a warm up?  How hard is it going to be?  How can she say she is going to spank me and then roll over and go to sleep??
I did wake her up early.  She did take me over her lap right there on the bed.  Her hands, so warm and soft stroking my skin.  Slap after slap raining down on my bottom.  The fire building as she concentrated on only one cheek for awhile.  MmmMmMmm.
Anticipation can stir a lot of things inside of me, but oh man is it worth it!!

Severe Spanking

Ever had a (consensual) spanking that left you bruised for days?  A spanking that you were still reminded of days later, every time you sat down?  I have, recently.
Mickey and Miss Jenn listened to me and then planned together a very specific session for me.  More details of it are in the blog titled Healing & Closure, from March 16th.  Miss Jenn laid into me very seriously.  Please note, that I asked for this and gave over total control.
Before any of this took place a rapport and relationship had been established.  I certainly don't recommend anyone just jumping into a session like this.  For me trust had to be built and it was.  I had an idea of what to expect.  I knew it would be severe and that I would cry.
I had been looking for the right woman to do this with me for quite some time.  Not only did I have to be willing to go further than I have before, she too needed to be able to take me there.  It was emotionally and physically charged.
The spanking I received is by far the most intense I have ever experienced.  According to Miss Jenn, I have a very high pain tolerance.  She definitely got a work out as well.  She had to help me get past that threshold of pain all the while making sure we both were safe.
I thought today about the bruising that I had for days.  Recently, I fell and had to be taken to the hospital.  When the nurse came in to give me an injection in the bottom, my first thought was, *do I have any bruises right now?*  You know that if I did, I would have been asked about them.  I wouldn't have minded explaining.  I can imagine that it might have been uncomfortable for them though.  Note to self: After a severe spanking, do nothing that might land you in the ER!

The Surgeon Says...

So, Mickey went and sat in the surgeons office today.  She actually did not have to wait long.  She told them that either the surgeon would work her in or she would go downstairs to the ER department and check herself in and then they would make him see her.  He called the insurance company and was told that the surgery has not been approved.  He told them they had better approve it quickly because he was doing the surgery with or without approval this Friday.  We will see if this works out like we would like for it to or not.  She also left messages with 2 different lawyers while she was waiting to be seen as well.
In my humble opinion, someone needs to be held accountable for this.  She has been in pain for months.  They have known of the actual problem for over 2 weeks now and still have done nothing.  Physically and emotionally it is taking a toll on her.  It is taking a toll on both of us.  I want her well and out of pain finally.

Sometimes Life Sucks!

Ever just have one of those days where you ask yourself, *What's wrong with me?*  There is nothing wrong that you can pinpoint, yet nothing seems right either.  It is more than just a *blah* type of feeling.

I know I am fighting with exhaustion.  I know I am very stressed.  Is that all it is?  Is that really what has me feeling the way I do?  Do I need to just kick myself in the ass and tell myself to get over it already?

Depression is dragging me down.  That is always something that I think I should just be able to *get over*.  I know it is not that simple.  I still try to press through it and tell myself that it will get better.
What I haven't shared is that Mickey needs surgery.  The fact that they are risking serious injury to her by waiting for insurance to okay it, is killing me.  I finally begged her to call a lawyer.  The surgery she had in October 2015 has caused her trouble from the beginning.  She has been in pain all of this time.  Almost two weeks ago they found the reason.  Staples have come undone and tore a hole in her stomach.  It took her vomiting blood, for them to finally find the problem.  Now, even though she is bleeding internally AND what should be in her stomach is leaking out and she is at risk for peritonitis and sepsis,  they still have not fixed the problem!  It is insane!  To me it is very much a case of malpractice.  All of us are frustrated and stressed.  Mickey is not doing very well.  I love her more than my own life and there is not a damn thing I can do to help her.  Even the surgeon has called to check up on her and has called the insurance company himself.  We need help and don't know where to turn anymore, so I asked her to call a lawyer.
Sometimes life just sucks.  That is what I am thinking right now.  The health care system sucks.  I understand that life isn't fair but damn.... can't just a few more things go right for a change?

Grrrr

Writing isn't something that I really want to do right now.  A part of me just wants to complain that life isn't fair.  Well, it isn't!  Complaining sure is not going to change it any.  There are things that I have no control over but still wish that I could change.  I am banging my head against a brick wall.  Not that that is doing me any good either.
The state I am in right now could easily lead me down a path of deep depression.  All around me I see all the things that I can't do and that I can't change.  And ya know what?  I don't even want to try and look for what I can do right now!  I am angry and I am frustrated.
Anger is my friend.  Normally I am afraid of my own anger.  Especially if I am angry with myself.  This time there is no fear.  I am angry with Mickey's doctors and her insurance.  She is bleeding internally and in pain and they are waiting for it to either get worse and seriously threaten her life, or they get paid!  Where in the hell is compassion in that?  Where is the *First do no harm*?  She has been suffering with this since they did the surgery in the first place.  It has taken them 4 months to figure out what the actual problem is and now they are waiting before fixing their mistakes! This makes NO sense to me.
Yes, I am angry.  I have always told myself that it is what I do with the anger that makes the difference.  Will my phone calls make any difference here?  Will I feel better if I just make them anyway?  Telling someone else that it is cruel to make her keep waiting like this isn't going to change anything.  Can I be happy that finally we know for certain what the problem is?

My Daddie

Yesterday I woke up to new coloring supplies.  New pencils and markers and oils.  I was so surprised.  Then today I woke up to a new coloring book as well!  It is all animals with fantastic designs making up each one!  Then, the little me was taken out to go see the movie Zootopia.  It was such a wonderful time, out with my Daddie.

I don't dare ever say I like something.  More times than not, I am gifted it.  If I say that I would like to have something, I usually have it that day.  I have learned to stay quiet.  I know it delights her to give me gifts.  In that respect I am spoiled.  Thankfully, I have enough sense to keep my mouth closed when she and I go out somewhere.  Every once in awhile she will catch me looking at something a little longer.  That's when I see that look on her face and I quickly tell her that just because I am looking closely does not mean that I want it.  She explained to me once that she gets these things for me because I really never ask.  She tells me that I do it for every one else, so she does it for me.  I put off my wants and even needs sometimes, to surprise someone else.  I love doing that!  Daddie has had to help me put the brakes on that sometimes.  How do I put the brakes on her?  It is mostly little things and they do tickle me.  It is just that ....eh, I don't know what it is, lol

My Daddie has a huge heart.  Not just toward me either.  She very genuinely cares about people.  She is so open and so warm.  Today she saved the life of an elderly woman.  As she was walking out to the parking lot, the older woman was coming toward her rubbing her arm like crazy.  Daddie asked her if she was alright.  The woman said her arm really hurt and Daddie saw that she was ashen.  Daddie got her back to her car and seated and then the woman's speech started slurring.  Long story short, Daddie got the ambulance there and could tell them when the stroke started, got a hold of the woman's family, when the elderly woman became combative, Daddie calmed her down.  The woman didn't want the men around her and wanted only my Daddie there.  Daddie is like that.  So many of us would have just walked past that woman.  Not my Daddie!  She doesn't know a stranger and is always willing to help.  She is not afraid of getting involved, especially if she senses a need.

I am a very fortunate and blessed woman and girl.  I love my Daddie with all that I am!