There are a lot of negative type feelings in me right now. Resentment, hatred, anger, frustration, depression, etc. 90% of it is over my living situation. When I see Andrew or Stephanie, there is a coldness inside of me that is not nice. How do I admit even to myself that I resent them being here? They certainly do not do anything around here that helps. Their noses are forever in their phones or in a game. Their baby just screams for attention. Andrew is the laziest person I have seen in a very long time. He leaves all childcare to his wife. She has to ask him to watch his son so she can use the bathroom! It is ridiculous and so maddening! What good or positive sort of things do they even contribute here? I cannot think of one thing.
I am angry, so angry. I don't know yet how to push that away from me and accept that this is the way things are for now. Do I have a right to be angry? It is not good to be treated so poorly in my own home. I hate all of this! I can't make things change and I cannot accept the way they are. There is no fucking end in sight. Every day that Mickey says nothing to them just hurts so much. I am pretty sure that she just doesn't want to start any drama. But, dammit, all they bring is drama and madness. None of this is acceptable. I have to leave my home to be somewhat sane...how fucking wrong is that? This is suppose to be a sanctuary and it isn't. I don't have a safe place anymore. Nothing feels right or good.
Fighting is useless, it won't make anything better at all. I am just stuck and just have to wait until someone else fixes or changes this hell I am living in. I really dont think that anyone will. I don't think anyone even cares that this is hell for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment