We Matter

It is puzzling to me the things that we remember from former years.  The way our mind sometimes seems to pick and choose what we will or won't recall.  I am not just speaking of childhood.  Our life experience plays a part in who we are.  Our actions, reactions, choices, play times and horrors are all recorded within us.  What forces us to recall certain memories?

So many of us who have experienced abuse get stuck in a place of dwelling on the negative.  I am not saying that talking about it or sharing the experiences is in any way wrong or unhealthy.  We have to work through it and move on into our future, learning to live in today.  And, we have to do it for ourselves, not anyone else.  We matter.   We should matter enough, to ourselves, to be honest with ourselves.

In those quiet places, inside, where we like to hide, light needs to shine.  For me, I want that light to be filled with compassion and understanding.  I want to be able to show myself compassion for sure, especially in those places where things were done to me without my permission.  I want compassion and not pity from those who hear my story.  If we are honest with ourselves, all of us have had a turn wallowing in self pity.  We sure don't need that from anyone else.  I also want those who hear my story, to have an understanding.  To see their own truths in it as they read.  For myself, I want to understand what happened to me.  Looking back, I want to understand how this *thing* affected me then and choose how it will affect me now.  Yes, I said choose.  I believe we all have a choice when faced with our pasts.  We chose today how much of the future we will allow it to steal from  us!