*Crap* Isn't an emotion

Tonight, I just feel like crap.  Since, *crap* technically isn't an emotion, even though I think it should be, what AM I feeling?

The sky reaches down to enfold her in arms of whispering wind.  Trails and trials before her, the past of hurt within.  Lashed in place she cannot move, the scream for help unheard.  Silence is the only place where she hears every word.  ......

Silence, my silence sometimes feels like a battering ram against my soul.  I didn't feel like finishing that poem above.  Sometimes my head just thinks like that.  Words come out in a different way saying sometimes what I can't really say.  I will say that it feels like I am being beaten on the inside.  Obviously, in that case it is me that is throwing the punches.  Don't misunderstand, I do not mean in a way that is harming myself.  I think it is more in the sense of trying to beat down a door.  To get out.  To come out.  To throw the door open for good.

I have my depressive moments, and luckily for me that is what they are, moments.  It is not something I have ever allowed myself to dwell in.  I was born a fighter, had to fight and still fight to keep myself in a place where I am ok and to reach out to those around me and help where I can.  I was raised by a drunken lunatic, but I didn't become one.  I was denied so much that most children have and are unaware of how special it is but I grew into a person of generosity and kindness.  Abuse and neglect were a part of every childhood year but I grew into a gentle and loving adult.  I am one of the lucky ones.