Self Discipline

When I started this, I had the unrealistic goal of writing every day.  That is unrealistic to me simply because I know myself better than that.  It isn't that I am not capable of keeping a schedule like that.  It is, that setting a goal like that for myself,  will bring out the stubborn me that will stomp her foot and just say, *No!*  I know that side of myself pretty well.  Over the years it has been tamed some.  Maturity hopefully plays a factor.  I believe that all of us parent ourselves in some way, every day.  We do it in the food choices we make, the shows or movies we choose to watch, the schedules we keep.  I am not saying that we do a good job of it all the time.  Some of us sadly, do a very poor job of it.  We know that watching that movie or show is going to keep us up thinking about it, yet, we do it anyway.  A personal example for me is the fact that I am allergic to all seafood and fish.  The problem is that I love cod.  I am not suppose to eat it.  I know full well the problems it will cause and how sick I will be for the next 24 hours.  Still, at least once a year, I give in and let myself eat it.  Why?  I certainly wouldn't feed someone else a food that I know they are allergic to.  Why do I let myself bring that misery on myself?  I would love to be able to say that I do it just hoping that this time I won't have the same reaction and I will finally be able to eat it without all the pain later.  Magical thinking that the allergy will just disappear!  To my ears, that is the response of a child who just wants what she wants and to hell with the consequences.  The allergy is so bad that I cannot take fish oil pills either.  They make me just as ill and in as much pain as if I have eaten a piece of fish.  So, why do I cave in and eat it?  Honestly, for the same reason any of us do, I want to.  As the parent, or authority figure to myself, I just step back and say, *I will have the fish, please*  We all do it.  We say yes to things that we really should say no to.  Someone asks us to do something and we know we don't have the time in our schedule, or really just don't want to do it, and still, yes, comes out of our mouth.  Why is it so hard to say no?  Why is it so hard to do the things that are good for us?  Putting myself first is not easy for me at all.  I might have every intention of putting money into my savings account first before paying any bills or making plans for some sort of recreation, paying myself first.  More often than not, my intention gets pushed aside and before I know it, there is nothing left to pay myself with.  The lack of self control sneaks up and smacks me pretty often.  I am sure that I am not alone in this.  None of us have it all figured out and have received a badge of perfection.  We are a work in progress.  I don't believe we ever grow out of the need for discipline.  I sure don't mean that we all need an actual person in our life who is that disciplinarian that will hold us accountable.  Some of us do, but the fact is that many more do not.  We need to develop self-discipline.  Becoming disciplined doesn't just one day happen.  Just as parents learn what does and doesn't work with a child, we need to learn what choices we make do and don't work for us.  We have to practice discipline.  Practice making those better choices for ourselves.  Learning to take care of ourselves sometimes means saying no to things.  I need to say no to the fish that I can almost taste right now.  I have found that sometimes that is how temptation works.  It sounds so good to eat that thing, or do that thing we are thinking of.  My voice inside of me reminds me what the consequence will be if I give in and eat that fish.  The driver going down the freeway at 80mph weighs the consequence of a ticket if there happens to be a police officer around the next bend.  On the brink of the temptation and knowing the consequence, why do we cave in and do what we know we really shouldn't do?  Understanding that we are a work in progress and that we can change, helps.  Practicing making the better decisions helps to develop a better habit.  There are personal things I know I need to do for myself, (like saying no to the fish that I am sure is calling my name).  I tend to forget to eat.  Not a good thing when you have no weight to lose at all.  Now, I can watch myself become smaller and weaker or I can choose to be more diligent and make a healthier choice for myself.  Self discipline is a must for all of us.  It is not about beating ourselves up and it certainly isn't about having some punishment hanging over our heads.  It is about making the best choices we can for ourselves and making that a habit in our lives.  I am striving toward this.  I know you can too.