September 3rd

Today is my birthday.  We started celebrating on Thursday.  Our plan was to go to the Museum on Thursday.  We didn't make it.  Instead we ended up going treasure shopping.  Hitting a bunch of different stores and looking around.  I enjoy doing that a lot.  Yesterday we went to the fair.  Got rained on a couple of times but it was great.  Today, I will be spending some time with Mickey and Miss Jenn.
I really love elephants and received two gifts that are elephant related.  A pair of socks with elephants on them.  (I also have a sock collection).  Mickey also got me a crystal that has been engraved with an elephant inside.  It came with a stand that lights up and turns.  Both gifts are gorgeous!  Today and tomorrow two of the coloring books I wanted from my favorite artists are coming as well.  I am being just a little spoiled, lol!
There is still a surprise planned for me that I have no clue about.  I only know that it is planned and will happen this weekend sometime.  Of course there will be birthday spankings today as well.  Lucky me!

September 1st.

A new month.  My birthday month.  We are celebrating starting today with a trip to the museum.  I am excited.  Life has been so stressful.  Hopefully these next few days will be all about kicking back and just having some fun together.

The state fair opens tomorrow.  It is a place we love to go to.  There is so much to see and do.  Usually for my birthday we go to the rodeo.  It is almost always right around my birthday.  This year it has been postponed a week.  We are still going to go.  I love watching the rodeo.  The animals are beautiful.  It is fast, exciting and always unpredictable.  

Fast and unpredictable are some of what I like in a bdsm scene as well.  I like the feeling of not knowing exactly what is going to happen next.  That suspense tickles my senses in a wonderful way.  Add to that some bondage that I can't escape and I am in heaven.

So, here is to the start of my birthday week....I wonder if I can stretch it out to include the whole month?

Submission

So, I asked for help in a subject to write about today.  What I got was, why do I feel the connection I have with Mickey when She is completely in dominant mode?
For me, it has to do with feeling complete.  Mickey meets this other side in me.  Her confidence and strength shine through and beckon to me.  I meet them with my gift of submission and surrender.  Between us over the years our relationship has evolved.  Trust has been built.  Reliance on one another has been tested multiple times.  I have a need to submit to another woman.  Not just any woman.  There has to be this tug inside of me.  There has to be a relationship that continues to grow.
In this relationship, Mickey completes me.  Our strengths and weaknesses are intertwined.  She has taken the time to know me intimately on many levels.
I know that when I give my submission to her, she welcomes it with open arms.  It is something she treasures as well.  I complete her in a lot of the same ways.
Strong dominant confident women will always draw my attention.  It is the way I am wired.  That doesn't mean that I am the opposite.  Outside of that relationship I am strong and confident and in some situations, very dominant.  I am still just as strong, etc inside of that relationship as well.  It is a choice that I make to give my submission.
When Mickey or Miss Jenn are in that dominant headspace, my response is one of submission.  The relationships have developed enough that they accept and welcome that gift of submission as well.  I do not submit to just anyone.  As a submissive, I am strong and confident and still have a lot to give to the dominant in my life.

Water

This is paradise to me.  A quiet away sort of place with water.  Th waterfall is an extra bonus.  There is something about water that is so calming to me.  I can be siting near it or be in it and just feel so much better.  For me it is alive and life giving.  It shares it's energy with me..  It is there to give, to embrace, to encircle.  Floating on my back, all the stress floats away.

Just today

I have the house almost to myself right now.  Most of the family went to the air-show today.  I just have felt worn out today.  I was going to go at first even though I really didn't feel the *want-to*.  I know that once I do go, my body usually adjusts enough that I am somewhat comfortable.
Leaving the house and going out doing things is something I have done a lot lately.  Staying home doing nothing is almost always okay with me.  I have been pushing myself to just do it anyway and enjoying myself.  My birthday is in about a week.  Mickey is planning a lot of different outings for us.  I am excited about it.  At some point I am sure that I will struggle with the feelings of not wanting to go.  I seem to just be made that way.  I love what she is doing though.  I like the excitement I feel when I wonder about what exactly she is planning.
Being alone is something that I have always been comfortable with.  Doing nothing at all but sitting and listening or thinking is something I do often.  It has become more of a pain management thing now.  I do cherish these times alone and quiet just as much as those special times with family and friends.

Finding Ourselves

I like this saying.  In a life that can become very ordered and organized, sometimes getting lost is a great thing to have happen.  It is often those unexpected things that really show us who we are.  I have a difficult time with change.  I like knowing what to expect or what happens next.  When someone or something throws a wrench into that, I have been known to freak, lol!  But, it is those times that usually also help me find myself.  They have a way of uncovering or exposing my growth or lack of it in some areas.
Sometimes, for me, the getting lost part is me heading under headphones and listening to favorite music.  I get lost in the music.  It changes my attitude almost always.  Most of the time it sends me for pen and paper and I write.
Occasionally,  getting lost and finding myself happens when I color.  Coloring is so much more than a pass time of childhood.  Coloring brings a calmness.  Coloring works a lot like meditation for me.
I am sure we all have those times of seeking ourselves, needing answers, etc.  We each have different ways of accomplishing that as well.  Use what works for you.  Now, go get lost!

24 Hours Later

So, here I am after a few hours of raw emotion and new revelations.  I don't like times like that at all.  I don't like how I feel and I don't like that others see and are effected.  And I know that times like those are just another part of this thing we call life.
Mickey, my beloved Partner and so much more, has all along been doing her best in this situation we are in.  She has always tried to keep everyone safe and happy.
I am calmer.  I see things a little differently.  The only thing that I truly can change is myself.  I can walk forward with my family and do my best to bring peace in the stressful times.  I realized strangely enough that I was seeing Andy and his family, as one family and the rest of us as another family.  I was trying to protect my family and it showed in my actions and thoughts.  Crazy thinking on my part for sure.  We are one family.  That is all that matters.