Commitment

I was listening to something the other day about commitment.  In the clip, it was said that so many of us view commitment as a prison.  A place where we feel stuck, even chained in place.  It went on to say that commitment is dedication.  Realizing there is a need and committing to fulfilling that need.
It got me thinking....
So many say that they can't commit themselves to a certain project or person.  We are quick to view them as being afraid of commitment.  When that word is changed to dedication, a whole new world opens up.  For me, dedication makes it more personal, more related to me.  Being dedicated is more of something I choose and the *chains* of commitment fall away.
When I am struggling with a project that needs to be finished and I think to myself that I committed to do *this*, sometimes I do feel the weight of that commitment.  It comes across as negativity.  Especially if I have reached a point where I just don't want to continue with whatever *it* is.  I will hear that voice in my head that tells me I have committed myself to doing *this*  It means I must continue, plug away at it, finish it, regardless of how I might feel, because I committed myself to that particular project.
Thinking now of dedication instead of commitment, brings a whole new understanding.  Dedicating myself to something pulls it right back into my choice.  Commitment seems rooted in cement where dedication is more fluid.
I am committed to my partner.  I am also dedicated to her.  Her needs, wants, desires, dreams, wishes, well being, etc. are all extremely important to me.  It is dedication that keeps me coming back to her. (not that I have ever left)  Being dedicated to her, I see her need and I work too toward fulfilling that need she has.  Not out of a *have to* but out of a want to.  I can see that dedication is much more fluid than commitment.  It grows and swells, ebbs and expands.  It leaves more room, in my thinking anyway, for the growth of a relationship.  Dedication can and does change as we change and grow.
I have said that I committed myself to writing in this blog at least every other day.  I will admit that sometimes I have looked at this screen wondering why I ever took this on. I ask myself:  Why did I ever commit to writing at least every other day?  Why did I do that to myself?  I realized today that it is not commitment that keeps me coming back here and writing, it is dedication.  A dedication that really comes from a promise to myself.  I know the need in me to write.  This is one tool that plays a part in fulfilling that need.
I think that all of us can see where we have dedicated or committed ourselves to someone else.  For me, seeing the need and trying to help comes naturally.  But, oh boy, when that is switched up on me.  When it is someone else seeing that in me and coming alongside me as I am struggling with something, so many buttons inside me gets pushed!  I know I push people away.  I know I have a hard time letting anyone very close to me.  I know I struggle with even believing that someone cares about me.  The old voices I think I have silenced, will come running back in and tell me I am worthless, tell me I don't deserve it, and so on.  If I can be dedicated to something or someone, what makes me think that it can't be the same for someone else?  Who am I to judge?  An example of this that happened recently, is a few nights ago when I was just having a rough time after a rough day.  My partner was asleep.  I wanted to run into her arms, but she was asleep and I chose not to wake her up.  In the morning when she heard this she was so upset that I didn't wake her up.  I know that she cares about me.  I know she would have gotten up and sat with me for awhile.  I let my own negative thoughts stop me from seeking her out.  As I thought about this later, I realized that *I* would have wanted her to wake me up.  The commitment we have to one another, the dedication and the love, is a two way street... I am guilty of sometimes making it a one-way avenue that doesn't allow her to show the same things toward me.
Whether it is commitment or dedication, enter into it unbound from any chains that might hold you back, from either side of the street!