Change

This thing we call life.... just when ya think you have it all figured out, something throws a twist your way.  It seems like there is something out there that just doesn't want us to get too comfortable with how things are going in our life.
Don't get me wrong, not all of the twists that life takes on us are bad.  It is the idea of change that hangs me up.  There is something a little soothing in routine for me.  Maybe that is why I have tried for so long with my doctor.  For over a year I have tried to be heard.  With most things, I am willing to try.  I am willing to give change a chance.
Mickey would be first in line to testify that I don't take to change very well.  Oh, I am willing to give it a shot but I do not like it at all.  It messes up my world.  I admit that I like to know what is happening next.  Part of this anyway, I can blame on my childhood.  I needed to know what was happening around me and have an idea of what was coming next to be able to protect myself.  It made me hyper-aware for the longest time.
I would not sit in a room with my back to the door.  I had to see who was coming or going.  I was the littlest person in my classes and I always sat in the back so I could watch the door and everyone else.  Honestly, it was not a comfortable position to be in.  If I would come into a classroom and the teacher had changed all the desks around, internally I would absolutely freak.  Change terrified me.
I deal with change a little better now.  It still can freak me out and I am not much of a fan of it.  I understand that sometimes we need a change.  It is so different when we choose change.  When there is choice involved it can be easier to digest.  Some things happen though that we have no control over and they change what is going on in our own little world.  Not sure that I will ever be able to embrace change, but I am at least learning to deal with it better.